We, Ron and Joe, received this e-mail yesterday and just had to share it.

Were you at our house for Thanksgiving around 32 years ago? The reason I ask is that Thanksgiving dinner that year looked very much like your tofurkey card. My husband Larry Dew (Dewey) had gathered his parents, his sisters and their young families and our young daughters around the table for the prayer before dinner. Suddenly, he dropped his pants much to the amusment – dismay – of those of us who witnessed the act. It seems that he had a 9-volt battery in his pant pocket which made contact with a coin causing a great deal of heat. The easiest way to relieve the discomfort was to drop the pants which is exactly what he did. (The pant pocket was actually scorched.) This has become part of the Dew family folklore. The story is retold each year as we gather around the Thanksgiving table.

You can imagine our surprise and delight when we discovered your Dewey non-traditional Thanksgiving card. We bought out all that our local Target had and have sent them to those who witnessed the original event.

Thought you’d enjoy the story. Thanks for the terrific card.

And thank you for sending along this great story, Judy. Happy Thanksgiving!

We, Ron and Joe, received several ‘Dear Ron and Joe’ letters over the past week. This thrills us, as we believe that offering ‘life advice’ to those in need is our true calling. To read these ‘Pearls of Pain’, along with our eloquently empathetic retorts, scroll down to our blog entry of August 7, entitled Dear Ron and Joe: Advice for the Lifelorn. In the meantime, here is another ‘Pearl’ which we received via e-mail…

Dear Ron and Joe,
You have answered all my questions on reincarnation. I feel that in my past life I was a princess, no er a Queen. But feel I must have been deposed and all my loyal subjects abdicated to a more powerful ruler (King, er despot). I just want to know how do I go about to retrieve what is rightfully mine, my treasure trove of gold trinkets and crown, scepter would be nice.
Signed, Her Royal Highness

Dear Your Royal Highness,
It is not often that we, Ron and Joe, are approached by one of high esteem, such as yourself, on matters of such delicacy. Firstly, let us assure you that your correspondence will be kept completely private by us, Ron and Joe. And the three or four people who read our blog.

Now, on to your dilemma. We, Ron and Joe, have been there, Highness. Why when we were Napoleon and Josephine we had riches and power beyond all compare. And what were we next? Two field mice! What we wouldn’t have given during the long winter months for some of that cheese that we as Napoleon and Josephine kept inside our jacket and hair respectively. (The one constant in all our lives is that we’re snackers.)

We’ve passed along this little tale, Highness, in the hopes that you will find the wisdom and strength to move on. As much as it hurts, you are no longer that Queen. Although you can rule over us, Ron and Joe, anytime. Woof.

Do you need advice from us, Ron and Joe? Of course you do. Just send us a question about your life, by clicking on Comment below. Then wait anxiously by your computer for our reply in this very blog!

Many years ago, we, Ron and Joe, offered our advice services to the world at large. We like to think it was a tremendous success. Of course we also like to think that robots will someday rule the world.

Anyway, now that we have this blog thing, we’ve decided to once again offer our sterling advice to any of you who need it. And, let’s be honest here: Isn’t the fact that you’re sitting here reading this blog a desperate cry for help? A heart-wrenching symptom that your life isn’t all that it could be? We, Ron and Joe, believe so.

Here’s an example of how we’ve helped another in the past…

Dear Ron and Joe,
I have been searching my entire life for answers. Why am I here? Have I been here before? Will I come again? I guess what I’m wondering is if you believe in reincarnation? If so, what were you in previous lives?
Signed, Dying to Know

Dear Dying to Know,
Yes. We, Ron and Joe, do believe in reincarnation. Unfortunately time does not allow a thorough discourse on all of our respective incarnations. Therefore, we will mention only those where we, Ron and Joe, were together. In historically descending order, we have been: Ron and Joe, Scratch and Sniff, Frick and Frack, a Pen and Pencil set, a Bra, Johnson & Johnson, Chang and Ang, Matching Book Ends, Non-Matching Book ends, Napoleon and Josephine, a Chicken and a Duck, a Cast-Iron Door Stop, Caesar and Brutus, Two Turtle Doves, and a Snake and an Apple. We’re hoping to come back next time as either twin children of Brangelina or a matching Comforter and Sheet set.

We never heard back from Dying to Know, but we can only imagine the comfort our insight supplied. So, please, send us a question about your life, by clicking on Comment below. Then wait anxiously by your computer for our reply in this very blog! We, Ron and Joe, are here for you.