As you look at these now available greeting cards you may be wondering if we, Ron and Joe, have any moral boundaries. We do, of course. They just aren’t immediately obvious to the casual observer. For instance, after reading the fronts of these Hanukkah and Christmas Cards, it would be easy to assume that we, Ron and Joe, are just going for the cheap (actually, $2.49) laugh. And that’s when you need to look just a little bit deeper. For, if you actually open the card, you’ll find these heartwarming, life-affirming messages:

Here’s to a happy and healthy Hanukkah!

…the Traditional Christmas Buttcracker.

You may either e-mail us your apologies, or rush out to Target® or Walgreens® and buy these cards. Then you’ll feel much better about judging us, Ron and Joe, just a little too quickly.

We, Ron and Joe, received this e-mail yesterday and just had to share it.

Were you at our house for Thanksgiving around 32 years ago? The reason I ask is that Thanksgiving dinner that year looked very much like your tofurkey card. My husband Larry Dew (Dewey) had gathered his parents, his sisters and their young families and our young daughters around the table for the prayer before dinner. Suddenly, he dropped his pants much to the amusment – dismay – of those of us who witnessed the act. It seems that he had a 9-volt battery in his pant pocket which made contact with a coin causing a great deal of heat. The easiest way to relieve the discomfort was to drop the pants which is exactly what he did. (The pant pocket was actually scorched.) This has become part of the Dew family folklore. The story is retold each year as we gather around the Thanksgiving table.

You can imagine our surprise and delight when we discovered your Dewey non-traditional Thanksgiving card. We bought out all that our local Target had and have sent them to those who witnessed the original event.

Thought you’d enjoy the story. Thanks for the terrific card.

And thank you for sending along this great story, Judy. Happy Thanksgiving!

Last week we, Ron and Joe, shared with you some grave news: A certain company has agreed to let us create greeting cards! Thereby allowing the masses to step into that which you’ve been carefully stepping around for years. This week, however, we’re afraid that we have even worse news: This very same company is even letting us do cards for KIDS! Just imagine the destruction this will cause. It’s one thing to expose adults to all things Ron and Joe. But children?! We, Ron and Joe, weep for the future.


By way of example, note that one of the cards shown here lets the kiddies make horribly scary faces. Another has die-cut holes to let sugary sweet candy corn glow through. While the last recreates a scene from the “classic” Crackula in full surround sound.


Again, please don’t blame us. We, Ron and Joe, are mere pawns in this whole greetings game. Blame Recycled Paper Greetings. And places like Walgreens® who will sell this kind of “humor” to those still too young to separate right from left.

Okay, here’s a challenge: Imagine the scariest, most blood-curdling thing you can. You got it? You got a picture in your mind? Okay, now imagine this: Somebody is letting us, Ron and Joe, make greeting cards. We know. Sends shivers down your spine, don’t it?! What’s happening to this world? Aren’t there boundaries anywhere any more? Look at the pictures to the left and you’ll realize that was a rhetorical question.


But here’s one you can answer: Can you match the inside lines from these cards to the fronts? Give it a try…


a) Feliz Halloween


b) …like the festive crack o’ lantern.


c) A boxer.


Disgusting isn’t it. But don’t blame us, Ron and Joe! We’re just the messengers here. Blame the people at Recycled Paper Greetings for paying us for this tripe. And stores like Target® who sell this junk. Isn’t it scary how much of this stuff is out there. Even scarier is that we’ll show you more next week.