The story of us, Ron and Joe

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...we're exceedingly glad you stopped by. You're here, we suspect, because:

1) You've been a fan of ours for years, and you want to glean every scintilla of information you can about us, Ron and Joe.

2) You don't really know us very well, but we, Ron and Joe, fascinate you and you want to know more. Much more.

3) You're merely curious as to how two guys stuck together at the ears can actually make a living.

4) You accidentally clicked on a link and have no idea how you got here.

Regardless, we can only imagine the thrill you're now feeling to be here. Welcome to the Official Ron and Joe web site. Woof.

But onward to our reason for being here, which is to tell you the story of us, Ron and Joe. A story we've divided into three fascinating sections:

1) Ron and Joe: A short and concise, yet brief, history.

2) Art Parts images: From sweaty conception to their gangly teens.

3) FAQs: Such as why does most of the copy we write take the form of numbered lists?

THE HISTORY OF US, RON AND JOE

To begin with we, Ron and Joe, were not always connected at the ears. Long story short, it happened soon after we became best friends in college. Apparently ingesting square hamburgers, Serv-o-Mation coffee and doughnuts, in combination with our sedentary behavior led to a bizarre chemical fusion. Sadly this also caused us lose all body mass below our noses.

The good news is that, after a difficult adjustment period, we adapted well to our condition. Even discovering some wonderful benefits, such as a 25% savings in cotton swabs and a greatly simplified wardrobe. Thank goodness we have very compatible taste in headwear.

We were also able to pursue our respective careers: Joe as an illustrator, Ron as a graphic designer. However, after a few years we found ourselves becoming sedentary again. This, for obvious reasons, was a concern. We decided it was time for a change. So we started a new business called Art Parts, and hired a contractor to add a second floor to our office. But then that's another story.

ART PARTS IMAGE COLLECTIONS: BORN MARCH 1, 1992

Art Parts images began as a casual conversation between us, Ron and Joe, in late 1991. Joe, being an illustrator, asked Ron, a newly computer-literate graphic designer, if it was possible to convert his illustrations into computer files. That simple question was all it took to get our wheels turning. And before long we were thinking too.

We started small with but a single set - Art Parts Holidays - a collection of about 50 black and white images (sold on FIVE 800k floppies). We had enough success to create more sets and start advertising. Soon we were creating at least one new set every single month. Joe was getting sorry he ever asked that simple question.

It's hard to believe that so many years, and thousands of images, have passed under our noses. Art Parts have now entered their teens. Fortunately that bizarre chemical fusion we mentioned above has also kept us, Ron and Joe, from aging. It's true. Really. People are always telling us how young we act.

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FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

e-mail us your 'Dear Ron and Joe' question

Dear Ron and Joe,
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Could it be that, just like me, they long to be close to you?
Signed, Sally xoxoxo

Dear Ms. Xoxoxo,
Could be. But we suspect that what they really long for are the french fries that got stuck in our ears at lunch.

Dear Ron and Joe,
Do you believe in reincarnation? If so, what were you in previous lives?
Signed, Dying to Know

Dear Dying to Know,
Yes. We, Ron and Joe, do believe in reincarnation. Unfortunately space does not allow a thorough discourse on all of our respective incarnations. Therefore, we will mention only those where we, Ron and Joe, were together. In historically descending order, we have been: Ron and Joe, Scratch and Sniff, Frick and Frack, a Pen and Pencil set, a Bra, Johnson & Johnson, Chang and Ang, Matching Book Ends, Non-Matching Book ends, Napoleon and Josephine, a Chicken and a Duck, a Cast-Iron Door Stop, Caesar and Brutus, Two Turtle Doves, and a Snake and an Apple. We're hoping to come back next time as either twin children of Bill Gates or a matching Comforter and Sheet set.

Dear Ron and Joe,
If you had a hammer, would you hammer in the morning?
Signed, PP&M

Dear PP&M,
No. 'Cause we might wrench our backs.

Dear Ron and Joe,
But don't you want to hammer out danger? Or a warning? And what about love between your brothers and sisters? PP&M

Dear PP&M,
That's just plain sick.

Dear Ron and Joe,
If any strapping young bucks show up over at Art Parts, would you mind sending them along my way?
Signed, Doe a Deer a Female Deer

Dear Doe,
How about a drop of Golden Sun? Or a Needle pulling Thread? These items are much easier to come by. Much to our chagrin, Noodles the Cat has dibs on any strapping young bucks that happen through Art Parts. To use her crude vernacular, the Buck Stops Here. Please let us know if we can help in any (other) way.

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Dear Ron and Joe,
When I hear "Ron and Joe" I think of greatness. But I wonder why "Ron and Joe"? Why not "Joe and Ron"? Is Ron the brains behind the operations and Joe his boy who does the work, or is it Joe's kindness and unselfishness that allows Ron to be first? Or is that "Ron and Joe' sounds better than "Joe and Ron"?
Just wandering, dennis

Dear dennis,
Thank you so much for your interesting letter. We can honestly say that nothing gives us more pleasure here at Art Parts than to ... (JOE! What are you doing out here?! Get back to your desk! NOW! I KNOW you just finished a set, but it's another month now, ISN'T it?! Go on. Back to work. It is none of your business WHAT I'm doing. Now go on. MUSH!) Anyway, dennis,to answer your question, we think "Ron and Joe" just sounds better.

Dear Ron and Joe,
Now that you are famous authors and all, has it changed you?
Signed, Nashville LuAn

Dear Nashville LuAn,
Actually, yes. We've discovered that we put on our pants completely differently now. It just doesn't become celebrities to put their pants on one leg at a time. Sometimes we bypass pants altogether. Sadly, few notice.

Dear Ron and Joe,
I speak for everyone in my state when I ask you if there is indeed a Santa Claus.
Signed, Todd from Richmond

Dear Todd, et al,
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

Dear Ron and Joe,
I am sending you this to address your advertisement - I am not sure that your use of "lingo" is appreciated on both coasts - I don't know how you operate in California but here in New Jersey if you use the word "Woof" with respect to someone's looks you have basically stated that they look like a dog. I was very insulted by your ad and even if you have the best art in the world I for one would not purchase it based on this letter. Perhaps in the future, when trying to use humor, you should check your audience first!!
I have shared this with many coworkers and they also feel the same.
Sincerely, Carol, Systems Support

Dear Carol,
While it's true that we offend many, few take the time to conduct a departmental survey. And for that we are eternally grateful. While for many in California offensiveness is merely an avocation, for us it's a full-time job. And one which we take seriously. Any help you can give us in offending the greatest number of people possible on your coast would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks, and keep up the good work.

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